Keeping my head above water

A few weeks ago when we were in Kauai, we went snorkeling in a body of water that was (to me) a bit too rough and, therefore, out of my comfort zone for observing sea life. Let’s just say I freaked out a bit when I saw how far from shore we were, and my poor husband (who’s like a fish in the water) had to calm me down and escort me back to the beach. Thankfully this beach was empty at the time, so nobody saw my panic attack. Of course, once I was safely out of the water, it started pouring rain!

In spite of the rain, which was warm, I was just happy to be somewhere I could breathe freely. Snorkeling in calm waters is not a problem for me; in fact, I enjoy it. It’s when the water jostles me around that I start feeling unsettled. Where am I going with this, you ask? Well, I’ve been feeling like this with my writing life lately. I’ve been so focused on sales and marketing and how I compare with other authors that I feel like I’m drowning in my own negativity. I’m tired of it. I’d like to go back to shore and re-group. Breathe again.

To me, writing is breathing, and I’m ashamed to say I’ve hardly written anything new in over a month. I know I’m not the only writer to be distracted by and even obsessed with their book sales. It’s so easy. I mean, why do we write? If it was just for ourselves or our close group of friends, we wouldn’t have to pay for editors and cover designers and formatters, etc. We want people to read our books, and preferably, have those people pay for our books so we can afford to pay our expenses.

Lately I’ve become jaded by the indie publishing world – jostled like I was that day in the ocean. It’s scaring me, and I need to stop my negative emotions before they literally drown me and force me to give up what I love most – writing and sharing my stories. Okay, so I have an expensive hobby for a while. I think I’ll have to live with that for now. I just can’t stop doing what I ache to do.

This blog is going to change after this post. I’m going to try something different and write about my favorite things. I want you to get to know who I am – beyond the face of the struggling indie author. There’s a lot more to me than that!

Thank you for reading and stay tuned for My Favorite Things, a new series of blog posts!

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